how i like my eggs.

i just saw the most amazing house ive ever seen in my life. its beautiful, the house that i want to spend the rest of my life in. ive always dreamt of "my house" and what it would look like. ive even gone so far as to goof around drawing out floor plans and such. but this house. its beyond anything ive ever dreamed of. it incapsulates everything i want in a house. i have to have this house. i have to.

*****

in other news. the doctor called this morning while i was driving to work. the test results are in. the HPV has progressed, into dysplasia. ie abnormal cell growth. ie one step closer to cervical fucking cancer. one step closer to hysterectomy. one step closer to "why me god?"

so tomorrow afternoon i go to his office. and we talk shop. and we schedule surgery. and we go from there.

and yes, its just an outpatient surgery. and yes its probably nothing. but there are these chances. these possiblities. these things that petrify the fucking shit out of me. that keep me in tears when no one is watching. and that make me wish i wasnt so alone here.

written @ 9:39 pm on 17.06.03
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contact
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: reasons to want this.