*sometimes you just need to love.*

letter to lillie. etc.

damn. its 7:11 but theres no 7-eleven to go to. and how im dying for a slurpee. *sigh*

so. i just finished writing back to this sweet girl lillie on email. and i realized that what i said to her in that email is extremely important to me right now and has had a significant effect on my life as of late. so. i feel that i should post the letter here. so. i will.

lillie.

how fun! i love it when people wear capes. i doubt that i would ever do it, but it just makes the other person seem so...mysterious. hehehe. at my junior and senior prom, all the "goth" people got together and went as a group and they all wore capes. i thought those girls looked so lovely, yet at the same time they seemed really fragile too.

anyhoo.

im sorry about your friend. at my high school, depression and things like that werent prevalent, or really accepted. i dont think i knew very many people that were unhappy on the outside until i hit my senior year.

then i met a few new people and i also beceame a little closer to a few guys i knew. and the thing is, none of them really talked to much about how they were unhappy, except my "new" friend colleen. but she was manic-depressive (bipolar) and so whenever she wwasnt at school (which was frequently) we would all worry and then as soon as she came back we had to ask her why she was gone and she was very open and sharing with us. such a wonderful girl. very very talented artist too. we were in clay class together senior year and sat at the same set of tables/work area. unfortunately i have no clue where she is now. and that makes me a little sad. but i know she is okie, because colleen was such a strong girl.

now. what was i talking about?

oh yes. not too many people in my high school came "out" about their unhappiness. i have lived in ohio since the beginning of 7th grade and i realized a few years ago, that in the midwest, you just arent allowed to be depressed. and i actually i never was, so it didnt matter much to me. but now as i look back at it, i see that many of the people i loved in high school were constantly afraid of their own feelings and that is so sad. i mean. if your unhappy then you shouldnt ever be afraid to let people know why you are unhappy and try to rectify the situation. whether that means lifestyle changes, relationship changes, or even seeing a shrink, whatever it takes to be "happy" again is what needs to be done. everyonce in awhile i look back at the last 10 or so years of my life and realize, i was really really happy. my family was "normal", we had enough money, i was a smart kid, i had friends, and i thought that it would always be that way.

now though, my parents are getting divorced, money had become tight (b/c of the divorce), i feel like i can hardly connect with anyone i know or knew, and my grades, well they could be better (but thats mostly b/c im just too damn lazy anymore! hehehe).

now. i dont know why i just told you all of that, but i think youre the right person to tell. so.

and yes, this online diary has made me crazy! hehehe. no. actually i think its been big help to me. and i cant wait for this summer when hopefully i have tons of interesting stuff to write about.

keep me updated on adam. he wears a cape after all!

hope your week ends on a good note.

sara!

written @ 7:11 pm on 2000-05-18
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