*sometimes you just need to love.*

on what should have been...

i am in the piss-poorest mood tonite. well really, all damn day. all i want is a smoke, but i cant have one cause duh, i live at home. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. so freaking cranky today. i called G* to see if the diner was open so we could go sit and smoke and talk and what-the-fuck-ever. but she wasnt home, must still be in cleveland on her art trip. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. i hate today. a lot.

*****

toby.lightman-everyday
every day is a struggle
between what i want to say and what i want to keep to myself
and the words that manage to leave my lips
don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

so i find myself in need of a part
i'm not sure why, but i think that it's because
of this desire to be what others want me to be
which is nothing close to me

but i'll see better when the smoke clears
the smoke clears inside my head
and i can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything i've said
and all that remains me and who i am at the end of the day
and this happens every day ... yeah...

every day is a battle
between what i want to know and what i don't want to figure out
and everything in between in these thoughts of mine that you know i can't live with out

so i find myself in need of a part
i'm not sure why, but i think that it's because
of this desire to be what others want me to be
which is nothing close to me

but i'll see better when the smoke clears
the smoke clears inside my head
and i can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything i've said
all that remains me and who i am at the end of the day
and this happens every day ... yeah... oooh...

written @ 9:07 pm on 26.09.04
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