*sometimes you just need to love.*

sex and my family

aha. i just got done talking to my crazzzzzy cousin. sometimes i really wonder about my family. at times it seems like i am the only hope for my family. cause the rest of them do some pretty fucked up things.

perhaps i should explain.

okie. we're only going to concentrate on my moms side of the family people.

my mom has a brother, Russ. he has a wife, Sandy, and together they had 3 beautiful daughters, S, T, and K, in that order. now. their names are shortened to protect the innocent and so will the rest of the names from here on be.

so at the age of 18, S found herself married to a guy, E. VERY soon afterwards came along a daughter, A. now she is beautiful and a total sweetheart and we are blessed to have her in our family. do not think from this that i do not like my family or anything like that, i love all of them and always will, but some of their choices really, really, surprise me. so, about 2-3 years later S and E have another child, a boy, N. and for the next 8 years we all think things are done with them and all is good. they have found good jobs, E, has finished college, and things are looking better. and just last month, they had another child, a girl, E. so that does it for them.

now onto T, the middle girl. in i think 1993 or 1994, she surprised all of us, by quickly marrying a marine she had only known for a few months. well needless to say, a few months later, they were divorced. now, thank god--no children came out of that relationship. and to all of us T was the sanest out of all of these girls and she has proved us right. she has gotten a good job and just recently announced her wedding, to a wonderful boy, everyone loves. so all is good there.

now for the last daughter, K. she is the crazzzzzzy one. she is a very spoiled girl. only 2 years older than i. at the bright age of 15 she found herself pregnant. and then proceded NOT to tell ANYONE about it, for 7 MONTHS. so needless to say, this child is lucky to have turned out so wonderful and healthy, she is about 6-7 now and a dear girl. so, for awhile, K and her daughter, K, lived at home with mommy and daddy. and the daddy of the child was good enough to be in her life and take care of her and the such, even though he and K were no longer together. so, earlier this year, K moves all the way across the country--leaving her child behind!!!! i could not believe she did this. i almost smacked her. and now, she has very suddenly (without any warning) gotten married and has announced she will be having another child, rather soon.

now. i am an only child. and i have no other immediate cousins on that side. i do have a second cousin, A. she is 2 years younger than me. and she just had a baby boy a month ago. and today she graduates from high school.

i think to myself quite frequently, why? why? why?

is sex so wonderful that it drives people to do it without thinking of the consequences? i am still a virgin. and sometimes i wish i wasnt. but then i think of my whole family, and i think to myself, "i am the only female in my whole family that has not at one time been pregnant or married before the age of 20. and you are also going to be the only one to ever graduate from college, infact, you will be the first person EVER to graduate from college in your enitre family (both sides that is)." and then i see that the choices i have made are the best choices i could make. and maybe for them (the rest of my family that is) their choices were the best they could make. but i find that kind of hard to believe.

and now im done. sorry to be such a downer today kiddies.

written @ 1:30 pm on 2000-05-23
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