hit the atmosphere and bounce back down.

life is one big jumbled mess right now.

im in the midst of a transfer at work. im searching for a new apartment with a roommate ive never met and who is currently 900 miles away, so its all up to me. trying to come up with said money for new apartment. about oh.....$1800 bucks im guessing. within a month. eeee.

man A--decides he really does need me in my life, after i just convinced myself that i might be able to live without him. 800 miles away, and thats not changing anytime soon.

man B--wants something different out of life than i do [but who the hell doesnt?] and is older than the guys i would normally date. but hes here. and he wants to be with me. and hes stable. has a life. a job. dreams. the drive to do something. a great personality.

but hes not what ive been wanting for the last 2 years of my life. but sometimes i wonder if ive been waiting too long, and that i shouldnt have had to wait for this. that it shouldnt be this hard. that i shouldnt be getting the one thing i want, and yet......i am. i just dont know what to do with it now. i really really dont.

written @ 9:14 pm on 21.05.03
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