*sometimes you just need to love.*

oh. i also had to have a papsmear done today. fun.

ive been home for one hour and all ive done is cuss. a lot. and loudly. very loudly. my cable went out this morning. and i called the cable company while i ate breakfast hoping theyd tell me what was up. the nice lady said "oh theyre doing some work in your area today. itll be back on between 3 and 5 this afternoon." so i went to work and didnt worry about it. [i have plenty of other things to worry about.]

so i worked till 7 tonite. knowing that id just get home with enough time to make dinner before the SERIES FINALE OF BUFFY started at 8. come home. same error message being displayed on digital cable box. turn on tv. same fucking fuzz. call cable company. bitch at other very nice lady. she says "oh theyre finishing up right now. we'll have your service back on in a half an hour." hang up. its been 45 minutes now. still no cable. ever increasingly pissed off me though.

the one show ive been waiting all fucking year to see, and my cable goes out. i swear to god i have the worst fucking luck known to mankind. seriously.

*****

on another front, i have this other thing to worry about. i thought i was done worrying about men. i seriously did. and then last nite came about. and both of the men in my life threw me for a fucking loop. and i slept like shit because it frustrated me/scared me/worried me so fucking much. and then today, oh today. one just doesnt communicate. the other is saying things i wanted to hear months ago. not now.

i just dont know what is going on. i just dont fucking get it. but ive made a decision. no more. i will not put up with bullshit anymore. im done. goodbye.

written @ 8:30 pm on 20.05.03
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