want to have my cake and eat it too.

we're taking a break. this is the hardest thing ive ever done. i really do love him, but i just cant be in a relationship right now. i need some freedom. i feel bad though. he's taking this hard i think. maybe i should have just broken up with him. then he wouldnt have to see me or be around me unless work dictated it. but no. i had to be thinking of me. and how i do want to go out with him [to the movies and dinner and stuff occasionally] but i dont want to "be" with him.

boy i really am a greedy girl. i should have been thinking about him. he really does deserve someone better than me. he does. cause he's great. and for some stupid reason i don't want him. god im an idiot. someone should slap me.

okie im going to go cry some more now.

written @ 4:24 p.m. on 2001-05-15
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